I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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