Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
