Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
