apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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