How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
