i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
