you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
