If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
