i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
