somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
