he wants to bone in the snuggie
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
