I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
