If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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