He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
