you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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