Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
