May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
