Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
