i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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