I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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