how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
