You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
