Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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