Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
