I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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