This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
