Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
