...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
