Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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