Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
