I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Houston, we have a blender
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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