party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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