It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
