I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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