If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Randomize
