even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize