he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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