Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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