You just made me feel so damn special
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
