just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
