that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
