Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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