She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize