College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
