Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
organizing the empties. That sober.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
