a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
