i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
