im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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