I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
