So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I touched a dick in church today
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
