You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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