On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Damn victory sex feels great
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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