sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
