she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
be right there i have to get my cape
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
