another moral hangover. fuck.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
