I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
