can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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