Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
