then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
