Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
