just survived the first fart of the relationship.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i believe in u and ur pee
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
