I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
