the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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