Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
