Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
