You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
