You just made me feel so damn special
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
