I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
