i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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