I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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